alwaysimpure | Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts

"Then why did you come?" Remus whispered, annoyed because he knew this would happen. It was like taking a toddler out, they always thought everything sounded fun but the reality really wasn't. They always ended up whining about something, just like Sirius. And yes, of course it was boring. They were in a library. "I'm studying, did you think it'd be a party?"

The librarian shushed them and Remus smiled apologetically and ducked his head, trying to focus on his work because he had to catch up.

His 'illness' set him behind and it wasn't like he could copy his friends homework. They hadn't done it. He needed nerdier friends.

"I guarantee you'll never need any of this stuff in your life." It was easy, of course, for Sirius to talk like that. Just as with many other things, studying came easily to him. He had excellent grades without trying hard and he didn't care much either, aside from how his parents hated that he was doing well. Admittedly, sometimes a nice bonus.

Not nice enough to waste any more time doing this stuff than necessary. "We could go outside. Come on, it will be fun." Because clearly what Remus needed was fun. "You need fresh air. I'm worried for you, Moony!"

"I need to learn it, even if it's pointless." He had to do well because he had little else going for him lately so maybe good grades would be a thing he could show his parents instead of how much weight he'd lost or how tired he was. If he could at least achieve 'above mediocre' then he'd be thrilled. A solid 'acceptable' grade and he'd brag. He would brag so much, he'd pin it to the fridge!

"You aren't worried about me, you're just bored." Rolling his eyes, he flipped the page and ran his pencil under a sentence he knew he had to memorise. "If you were worried, you'd help me study."

"You are such a smart bloke, Moony, what do you need my help for? Not for studying. You need me for fun. Seriously." His parents really should have somehow known, when they named him, that one day their son would abuse said name for obvious and less obvious puns all the time. He felt it was a given conclusion.

"What are you even studying?" Yes, he had not been paying attention. He just looked now, frowning at what Remus had underlined. "Ugh. History is boring."

"I need to pass history, I failed in last time." He got a pass after talking to Dumbledore and his parents asking for some leeway but he couldn't keep using that as an excuse. It made his poor mom worry. He was going to pass, get his acceptable and pin it to his damn chest for all to see. And then likely get beaten up for being such a nerd by his best friends. "I would rather be doing anything else but I don't have a choice. You do."

He gestured towards the door and then moved his arm to try and cover what he was highlighting cause he didn't want to highlight the wrong thing and look dumb. He started to mumble under his breath, scribbling down notes on his paper to try and keep on top of stuff. Ugh. History was boring.

"..." Sirius was silent, but he was silent in a very loud way, sighing and shuffling and clearly wanting the attention. But, as he wasn't getting it, he finally just grabbed the book, got up and looked at Remus. "I'll help you study. But outside."

It was a sunny day, they hadn't had that in a while. They were in Scotland, every ray of sunshine had to be valued. "I don't want to stress you out by giving you a choice," he told his friend, considerate as he was.

Then he ran off, of course only after having made sure that the book he was nicking wasn't one of the ones that would hex him if he removed them from the library. Should be fine, as long as he stayed on school property.

Sirius kept running, but he didn't run that fast. He didn't have to, he knew Remus was slow unless he turned furry.

Well, of course he saw that one coming. He honestly should have given in at the start but no, he had to stand his ground. Like an idiot. He watched Sirius run and got up, hurrying after him with his bag and notepad, stopping to apologise for the noise because the librarian looked ready to hit them. He stumbled and struggled to catch up, having to move way faster than he wanted to.

By the time he caught up with Sirius, he was wheezing a little. Only a little.

"Friends don't make friends run a marathon through the school, just so you know." Catching up now, he slowed his pace and reached out for the history book, trying to snatch it back from him. "Oh how I wish you'd been hexed, you awkward git."

"When did the famous duel between Gellert Grindelwald and Albus Dumbledore take place?!" Sirius held the book behind himself, jumping backwards to stay out of Remus' reach. It really was too easy, but somehow that didn't keep him from being entertained by it. "Come on, tell me. I'm giving you a quiz. I got an Exceeding in History, so, you know."

To be fair, the worst grade he had, tied with Muggle Studies and Astronomy, because some thing were just hard to care about, but that still meant he was doing all right. Good enough for a stunt like this, anyway.

"I don't know, you didn't let me read the book! You can't test me on it if I haven't read it." He should have read it properly but he skim read that section at the start of the session because he thought he already knew it. And by skim, he pretended to read it and then got distracted admiring Sirius's hands on the table. How were they blemish free? They were hands! Even his nails were clean.

"It was ... '45!" Ha! He had a vague feeling it was that and he was going with it. Cause he had to. If he wanted that Acceptable, he had to go for it. Remus tried to get the book again, jumping around the back of Sirius and trying to nab it. "Gimmie!"

"Yeah, you got it! 1945, for the record, Dumbledore's old, not that old." Sirius stepped out of the way again, smirking as he held the book close and tried to think of more questions at the same time. "What phrase did, I guess do, Grindelwald's followers use?"

Not exactly a difficult one, that, although Sirius had learned in the past several years that just because something was common knowledge to him - a wizard raised in a wizarding family - might not mean that Remus knew about it as well.

"For the Greater Good." Remus knew that one because he'd seen it written in the bathroom stall and heard people saying it before to be cool or controversial. He supposed some people believed that bullshit. "Whatever that means. You know, it's quicker to just read the book." Once again, he tried for the book but he just couldn't get it.

So in the end, he got Sirius, he wrapped his arms around him and gripped him tight. "Give up the book, Pads." He knew he wasn't as strong as Sirius but he had a secret weapon.

He tickled him. "Gimme!"

"Quicker, sure. But is it as memorable? I think not." Sirius was smirking triumphantly one minute, but then he had arms around him and while he didn't mind that, he could sense where it was going. "No! No fair!"

He squirmed, trying to avoid the tickling while not accidentally elbowing Remus. Remus was fragile, at least compared to James and him. If this had been James, they would be tumbling around on the ground by now. As it was he pulled free, still laughing, but holding the book out to Remus. "I surrender, I surrender!"

"About bloody time." Remus took the book back and grinned, a minor victory but a victory none the less! He opened the book halfway and promptly placed it on his head, squinting in the sun. Well, he needed a hat. "God, it is hot and sunny. It's weird. Unsettles me when it's nice, I don't much care for it." He was glad he had his hat-book or this would be much worse. He didn't fancy burning.

"You know, it's not really fair. You being all smart like. You should be dimmer. Hot blokes aren't allowed to be smart, makes it impossible for everyone else. That's why they say stuff like 'yeah, he's not much to look at but he's got a good personality'." And that seemed like a rule. Hot guys had no smarts or personality and ugly guys did. "If you're gonna be good at everything, it really shows me up."

He gave Sirius a frown under his makeshift hat. "Tell me something you're shit at."

"Hmm..." Sirius tilted his head, making a big show of thinking seriously while he wrapped an arm around Remus' shoulder, pulling him along. He had the feeling it might be better for his friend's skin if they didn't stay in direct sun too long. Luckily there were trees not that far off. "Assuming we are forgoing obvious things like 'pleasing my parents'?"

He sighed, shaking his head. "Good question. I'm just so bloody brilliant, what can I do? It's a burden, mate. A heavy, heavy burden."

As he spoke, he pretended to be weighed down by said burden, slowly dragging Remus and him closer to the ground.

"Oh yeah, your life is a tragedy." He supposed it was in some ways but it was hard to miss the sheer luck and talent Sirius had. Remus wasn't jealous of it really but it did piss him off that he barely studied and aced his tests. How was that fair? Where was the justice? If he had to be bored studying, so did James and Sirius!

Dropped down on the floor, safely in the shade, he took the book off his head and placed it onto Sirius' playfully.

"I think you have to have a flaw. One glaring flaw you're hiding." He leaned forward, smirking. "I bet you've got a small dick. Have to. God ain't that bloody kind, everyone has a drawback. Or I hope so."

Sirius snorted, having already laid down on the ground by Remus, leaning back on his elbows. Something that now enabled him to easily thrust up his hips and wiggle his eyebrows suggestively. "I don't know. You aren't gonna believe what I tell you now, innit? You gotta check."

If he noticed that, not really that far away, a group of girls who had had a similar idea of studying outside had now abandoned all pretence of doing so to stare at them instead, he certainly didn't seem to mind.

Remus looked at his crotch and a faint blush came over him at the idea of actually looking. And God, the lewd way he thrusted ... this was not fair. Stupid handsome bastard, why did he fluster him so much? He rolled his eyes and shoved Sirius. "Get off it, I ain't looking at your cock. I'm good without that image seared into my brain, you know?"

He turned his head, looking at the girls with curiosity. "It's like they can sense you're being sexy and appear just to watch." It was quite fascinating. "You could form a bleeding fanclub. We'd make a killing out of it too. Sells shirts and mugs."

"Ohh, let's do it. Come on, stop studying, who needs school? We'll get rich selling my face." As he proposed that, he proceeded to pull increasingly silly faces until he just collapsed on the ground, laughing. "It's part of my burden, you know. No one sees the real me, they just see this beautiful faca-- Ohh, she has candy."

Having spotted that from the corner of his eyes, Sirius was up on his feet immediately, bounded over to the girls, begged ever so nicely and then came running back, holding his loot up triumphantly. "I scored us some chocolate frogs!"

God, how did he have the energy to be like that? Well, he supposed most people weren't terminally exhausted all the time like he was. He watched the girls staring after Sirius, giggling and blushing - he had a point, they'd make a mint off selling his face. "I agree, you know? Let's sell your face. Quit school, get a van, we'll drive around the country selling your merch."

He grinned as he took a chocolate frog. He loved chocolate, it was literally the best food of all. He shoved it into his mouth, wondering if the girls were pissed they were splitting the loot. "You know how to treat me, Pads."

"It's what I've learned over the years. 'How to take care of your Moony', there's entire chapters devoted to chocolate." Sirius nodded wisely as he ate his own chocolate frog, already sitting back down and then gesturing to Remus. "Tell me something else from your boring book. I'll act it out to you, make it memorable."

Too bad James wasn't there to help him, he felt they'd both excel at this. Whatever, he could do the best for his friend, selflessly, even if he had to play multiple roles.

"I'd love to see this." Remus smirked, leaned back and tried to pick the most awkward topic for him to act out. The dreaded one that lingered on the essay specs for next semester, the subject he wanted the least. "The International Warlock Convention of 1289. Show me, oh wise one, how that all went down." He wished he had more chocolate frogs for this, it was going to be a show.

Remus wasn't even entirely sure what happened there, he just knew it was likely boring and probably not going to make a fun essay topic.

"All right, all right. Let me get into the spirit. 1289. I can't remember the last time I took a bath. Yesterday I saw a woman's ankle and I'm still not over it. She had the loveliest warts. No indoor plumbing, so whenever I last pooped, I had to vanish it." Sirius made a face. Ugh, medieval times were gross. But no, he had to do this. "I bet I didn't even wash my hands after. And now I'm sitting around with all these other blokes. I have a beard. Everyone had a beard back then. I'm telling you, when I was little I just assumed men didn't have lower faces until modern times, because you couldn't see any in their portraits hanging in our house."

He pulled another face, then ran all ten fingers through his hair. "What are we trying to decide? So many things. Legality of dragon eggs. Whether witches should be allowed to carry wands. For the record, we all decide that, no, they shouldn't, but then as soon as we get home, our wives hex us and the next day we reverse the decision and, I assume, don't get any for at least a month. True story. Something, something... Right! Floo powder! Invented by, whatherface... Ignatia Wildsmith. Merlin, what a name. Anyway, the rules regarding its use, they were decided. It was invented a while prior, but, ironically, news didn't travel that fast."

"Charming era, isn't it?" He was impressed, honestly. Sirius painted quite a disgustingly accurate picture. Or as much as he assumed was accurate. He laughed, amused and trying to actually remember some of the names and stuff cause it was likely all true. Except the hexing... maybe. He wasn't so sure, he'd seen his mom scare the hell out of his dad before, all for forgetting not to walk his shoes into the house.

"All right, so, Floo powder is the hottest new thing, witches get wands and your beard is so long, you could trip over it. Gotcha, learning so much. Anything else or did they just sit around bitching about their wives?" Cause he knew old men, they usually did that or nap.

"Witches already had wands, that was the issue. If anything, we should have outlawed them before they got them, because otherwise you rely on a bunch of witches just handing their wands over because our bearded blokes tell them to." Sirius laughed, shaking his head. "It's funny, because witches always had the same rights as wizards anyway, but this was before the Statute of Secrecy, obviously, so every now and then some muggle influence would carry over. That's why they even had a meeting of just wizards, I imagine."

With a frown, he leaned back on his elbows, thinking. "There was some really, truly, awfully boring stuff about that witch who used invisible ink to write down her theorems. Like, sure, do that if you are inventing powerful spells and curses, but she was just the first one to talk about how magical the number seven is. Bridget Wenlock, that's the one. Wrote a whole thing about it in her invisible ink, then forgot she had written it on that and wrote a letter to her... I want to say nephew? Cousin? Something like that! On the same paper. That wasn't discovered until after she'd died, so at some point during this boring meeting, they just authenticated that as hers. Then everyone could have fun with numbers."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Really, the important thing to take away from this is that everything important was done by women and we just tried taking away their wands. So, in conclusion, everyone present must have had a small cock."

He nodded to his ending words, then bowed a little before looking at Remus. "Learn something?"

"Cor, blimey! That was a riveting journey through time. I got chills, mate." Eagerly, Remus clapped his hand and picked a flower from the ground, tossing it at Sirius to congratulate him on his stunning performance of that boring historical event. And hey, it was probably pretty accurate, to be fair. "Why are men always so bleeding thick? Like, I get it, women can be a lot but why do they always think pissing them off is going to solve the issue? My dad always says to give a woman what she wants and you'll have a happy home."

And Remus believed that so he did everything his mom asked. Even if she asked stupid stuff like folding his socks and doing his bed up every morning.

"Speaking of pissing women off, is that where James is? Chasing around Lily again, is he?" The last time he saw James, he was working on his next grand display to secure his date to the winter ball. Good luck to him, is all Remus could say. He didn't stand a chance.

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